Learning To Lose Gracefully

So, I decided to compete at digital PSO Aquarius, under the Edited category. I came in 4th…again. But this time it wasn’t rigged and I felt that the winners deserved their wins because I’m aware of what’s trendy within the pole community, so I could see why they won.

It’s not easy for me to lose, mainly because I basically always lose 😂. I can only remember winning once in my life and that was a teddy bear from those machines at an amusement park. When I win or I’m right, I’m like the proudest rooster alive. I named it #RoosterStatus years ago.

This time around, I had a thought

What if I’m meant to learn to lose gracefully?

It would actually make sense with my chart even if my rising abhors the notion of losing. So, here I am… writing about something a little more personal (🤮) in the hopes that maybe someone out there can benefit from my experiences and insights.

It is a mega shit experience to constantly lose… and even mega shittier when you’re like me and you don’t quit — you shapeshift. Really doesn’t seem to matter where or what I shapeshift into, the experience remains the same in terms of “losing”. It really starts to get to you when that’s all you experience, especially because of society, comparisons and living on earth in general. And there’s always that irritating fake positive philosophy of “eventually everyone wins, it just takes time/finding the right thing/manifesting/inner work/whatever other bullshit trend”… but what if there’s an actual lesson in learning to lose gracefully vs “find your bullshit of today and win!”?

So, I did what I always do and test out my own thoughts IRL. One of the winners reached out to me on instagram to say he really liked my performance etc. I literally didn’t know how to answer because again, I am a sore loser learning to lose gracefully (foreign concept). So I left it alone until I could kill my own bruised ego (pluto) and be a graceful venusian lady; I was honest and said I’m a sore loser. I refused to be like “you were better than me so you won” but what I learned was that I didn’t have to be the sacrificial lamb and put someone above me or puff up my chest and go #RoosterStatus as if I wasn’t upset.

I chose to be my own flawed self and it actually led to a conversation and I felt better. I didn’t feel like such a loser but I obviously didn’t feel like a winner with a shiny medal of HAAAA BITCHES… but you know… 50/50 is better than 0.

I’m still not sure where this new idea of losing gracefully will take me but it has given me fresh hope (🤮) that I can shapeshift and try again. And again. Not in the hopes of winning — well, I mean…
But if I do lose again, that maybe I can practice the art of losing gracefully.

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